I hope things are looking up.

Dear FutureMe, Right now, it is about six o'clock on November 11, 2010. Things are really getting to you right now, and you know it's because of Adam. It always is. Nothing ever changes with him. It always fluctuates and you just hang on to the best parts, but see the thing is the best parts are now being outweighted by the worst parts. There is this big lump in your throat, and tears in your eyes and you hate feeling this way. And the thing is that he always makes you feel like this. I mean seriously, you would think that you would learn after a while, but your heart is going one way, and that is what you seem to be listening too. Why are you so stupid? Why can't you see that you should move on and find other comfort in your life. I know that you are scared of losing your best friend, of losing tons of memories, of losing the person that means the most, losing the happiest moments of your life, losing someone that is there atleast part of the time, and mostly losing yourself. You have tied yourself to him and you know that. This is why it's so easy for you to fall and get hurt, and then where do you go. There is nowhere to pick up the pieces and you've obviously learned there is not one kind soul that is going to help you pick them up, and no one has time to put them back together. I mean, do you think this is normal? Emailing yourself, to let you know how you are feeling? I mean, I guess it's writing, but it's more like talking to yourself. I don't think that is normal. I mean, the biggest question is where do you go from here. How do you keep yourself, while obviously losing Adam. This should have never happened in the first place, but it did and now you're stuck, and you're hurt, and you're lost, and you just want to cry and sleep and not exsist, or atleast not know you exist. Why can't life be easier? Why can't you wake up everyday and not think about Adam or the bad things, or try so hard to analyze every single thing about every single situation. That is your biggest downfall, and I believe you will never get passed it. I mean, you haven't in like seven years atleast. I don't know why it is so hard for you. Is it hard for other people? If so, why don't they talk about it, and seem like it is. I know that you wear you're heart on your sleeve and let everyone in the world know what's wrong with you, but all you are trying to receive is some form of help, any type of help, but preferably help from Adam. I mean, you do always help him. You talk to him while he's paranoid, and sad, and upset, and lonely, and scared, and trying something new, and mean, and confused, and lost, and just wanting to talk to someone. So the question is: why isn't he there for you? I know that he is sometimes, but that doesn't make up for all of the times that he isn't there. There are too many to even count of those. I just wish it was easier for you to pull away, to pick up the pieces and put them back together for yourself. Why can't you stand on your own two feet? Why do you need someone there all the time? And can't you find someone else to be happy with other than Adam? I mean, I know that you two are practically alike, the same person even, and that's what keeps you there, or here, where you are now. I just want you to be strong, and to realize that you are your own person, even when you think you're not. I just want you to think about these things, especially when you're feeling sad, and lonely, and lost, and forgotten. Being upset will never get you anywhere. I know this doesn't really help, but I just want you to know that you are alive and that's what you have going for you. Please, learn to stand on your own. Please, try to be there less for Adam or maybe even pull away. I know it's going to hurt like hell, but atleast you can say, you finished a goal. Unless he makes a complete three-sixty and proves to you that he is different, there is no use in trying and getting hurt so many times. That's not what all life has to offer you and you need to realize that. I hope when you read this, you will be feeling better, and things will have changed, because I know that if you feel the way that you do right now, then you can't take much more. I know how weak you are and powerless that you feel. Please be brave, you know there is more to life than this petty stuff. You matter to people, even if it's not the ones that you want. I hope you understand this and can look back and say that you have made ammends. You'll be happier. I know you will. And remember the quote from the Perks of Being a Wallflower: "Things change, friends leave, and life doesn't stop for anybody." Now, if you're feeling lonely, pick up a book, maybe even The Perks of Being a Wallflower, it will make you feel better. Please, read this in the future with hope and asperations. And please, remind yourself that you have so much ahead of you. You'll be happy one day. I know you will.