Two Months and counting...?

Dear FutureMe, ok, so the next two months should be an interesting (and new) experience. i've never done the long distance relationship thing before... (at least not with any success). the sherrif left yesterday, today (monday) he starts his new gig in california. Its only for two months, and he said he's going to smoke less pot and less cigarettes out there... so (if he's to be trusted) that should be very good. Less cigarettes: that's nice. Less pot: that's the part I'm really interested in. Because currently, its the whole pothead status situation that's causing me to have all these conflicting thoughts in my head. I like this boy so much... he makes me feel funny and smart and sexy, he's considerate and has very good manners, he's not stingy, he can cook delicious foods, he's not messy, he makes me crazy in bed, i love his kisses and his hugs can't be beat... he comes from a lovely family, i'm looking forward to meeting his mom and giving her some mad props for raising a son the right way. he makes me giggle, and squirm, and blush... i just wish he didn't smoke so much. because i dont like having to question, when he whispered "i love you" in my ear, was it real - or was he just high? high all the time... is that a way to live? and the constant pot temptation is something that's really too much for me. i think smoking daily for the past two weeks... and pretty much any time I'm with him... that's not something that I want for my life. Its not respectful of the herb, and its not respectful of yourself to use the special creative drug as a crutch in any and all social situations... in the morning, afternoon, evening, and at night. thats just... too much. i don't know what else i can say about it. i can't ask him to smoke less... can i? i dont want him lying to me, and sneaking around behind my back to puff... but... on the other hand, can i deal with having a boyfriend who is smoking on the daily? is that something that i can see in my future? i'd like to have a family some day... and i'm not saying that you cant smoke if you have kids... but when u're trying to make kids, you gotta really cut back and cut out as many carcinogens from your system as possible. i'd like to have some babies one day... one day soon maybe (soon like 2-3 years). and i can even go so far as to say that i'd like to have babies with him... i think he'd make a great dad. but i don't want the father of my children to be a huge pot head. i dont... i don't want that. maybe i just need to give it time. see how things go when he comes back from california, when he has his own apartment in NYC, when we can try having some semblance of a normal relationship... build the relationship together that we both like and want. Its an issue of my personal will power as well, which is what makes it so hard. i'm going to have to put my foot down about smoking during the week... start being much more strict about it... puffing only on weekends, and not ALL day. not all day on saturday... that's no way to live. sigh... i wonder if thats going to drive him away. if (in effect) i'll be making him choose bw mj and me... his old gfriend or his new one... what will he do? what will i do? guess only time will tell. and in these next two months, I'm going to do some serious detoxing... and take things day by day, by day. i miss him... and i'll miss him more. but i have to take care of myself, my career, my apartment, my studies. i have a lot to do. and a lot to think about. his contract could get extended - in which case all this fretting about pot-smoking will be for naught. this is an important step for his career and I certainly don't want to stand in his way. but (as he mentioned yesterday) he can't expect me to wait around indefinitely for him to return. no... gosh, who knows what the future will bring... good luck, honey! (and remember, if its not one thing - its another) love, me