Mesaage Archive 31-1 November, 2016

This is going to be sooo long, but I want to be reminded of this moment, so don't hate your past self too much xD Will: Hey you're asleep I'd imagine but I'm all stressed and I can't rn so if by some miracle you're awake...heyyxxx Me: :( aghhhhhhhh sorry. You feeling a little better now? Xxx Will: Yeah I okay😊xxx Me: Good :) Heart sank a bit this morning when I saw you'd messaged and I was asleep. Enjoy your day ☺ xxx Will: Aww sweetie it's okay! Hope you had a good day😊xxx ~~~ Will: Hey😊xxx Me: Helloooo :) xxx Will: Hows it going😊xxx Me: Going alright 😁 How's it going with you? 😉 xxx Will: Is that a grin as in good alright or a grimace as in not completely alright?😂 And not too bad hating chemistry aha xxx Me: A SUPER big smile. But misleading. Honestly, I'm just drained and stressing myself out 😅 but I is okay, I is good. LORD, I'm hating Chem too. 😂 but I sort of like it... I can't make up my mind xxx Will: Aww that is how I feel aha, to be honest I feel like if I try an stick with it till the end I'll end up with worse grades overall, so I'm just debating whether to drop it now or do it to AS I can't decide I just don't find it interesting an it's too much work😂 ah complaining feels good xxx But there are better things for us to talk about😏xxx Me: Decisions decisions... I did that with Maths, dropped it. Except I didn't choose Maths in the first place, and never went to the classes 🙃 ... maybe I could have dried, but I know my limits 😂 And like what? Cheer me up 😂😂 xxx Will: Aw hehe fair enough, and like how you feel about the speed we are taking things😊😊xxx Me: You just pull things up unexpectedly don't ya? Or was it expected. I don't know o.O 😌 xxx Will: Hehe sorry I suppose it was a little unexpected, you don't have to answer hehe xxx *interruption from 4th Nov me: wtf. Why is he using hehe too much? Agh, he's too cute* Me: Well. I don't know. I feel happy with what we have, and I like the idea of what we could have. ???? . How do you feel? xxx Will: Hehe I feel the same😊 I'm comfortable wherever you are comfortable so however you see us, be it talking, dating, together whatever you feel comfortable with is all good with me😊xxx Me: I feel comfortable too. I do wonder if I'm good enough for you though. I mean, I'm not saying that necessarily in a... like... I hate myself way? I mean that I don't know if I can give you enough. I don't know if I'm making sense 😆 GOSH. What I'm trying to say is I don't want to disappoint you by not being BKAGhNsid. Okay. So sometimes I feel like shutting off and pushing everyone away, and I'm going through that right now so bear (🐻) with whilst I try to ignore that. I'm leaving whatever I just typed in so you can see the internal struggle 😅 I think what I'm trying to say is I really like you and I'm worried that I'll get into a habit of distancing myself and accidentally pushing you away when I don't want you to leave. Or if I make you feel sad. Xxxx❤ Will: Well first off sweetie don't worry about being able to give me enough, you can always do that because what I want is you! You don't need to be fulfilling a role sweetie you just have to be you an that is more than enough to make me happy😊 it's completely understandable to feel worried about that sort of thing and it's fine hun, the way to deal with that is to just always be honest about how you feel😊 I won't ever hold it against you if you need space😊 I really like you too, and whatever worries there are, they can always be overcome because they are just worries, I know I try to come across as collected an stuff when we talk about this sort of thing but I am just as nervous, but the fact that it's you means those nerves can't hurt me😊xxxxx❤ Me: It's just that I'm in a mind set now where I literally am the stupidest person in the world and feel like I should abandon everyone and continue alone. I don't want that though. It isn't really even an issue, it doesn't last long and it's not like it constantly happens. But because it's right now, you're getting responses reflecting worries that are sort of irrelevant. You've made me feel more at ease and less frustrated though. Thank you☺ It's a relief to feel like I can just tell you what I'm thinking Xxxx Will: 😊you aren't stupid for thinking that sometimes sweetie it's just your brain protecting itself😊hehe it's alright I'm glad I've made you feel better and good that's what we want, to be able to share these feelings😊we are feeling out the sort of thing we want together an that's great, there is no point trying to fit how we are into a certain way y know😊as I said I'm comfortable with however you're feeling:) correct me if I'm wrong but I get the feeling at the moment you'd rather be looking at the future an potential rather than thinking about where exactly we are now?:) I'd just like to get a feel of where you stand atm, cos while it's nice not over thinking things it does mean we need to make sure we remain on the same wavelength hehe😊xxxc Me: Well no. If you feel like I'm contradicting myself, I probably am.👀 See, I don't mind talking about the future for some things. But others not as much. I have Crohn's Disease (reaaalllly fabulous disease I know) and I'm on two different immunosuppressants. I've talked about many things for the future that haven't happened because of my Crohn's and medication. It feels like a jinx and I've missed out on a lot because of it. So in a way I like to do what I can. How can we remain on the same wavelength when I can't even do that with myself 😂 Xxxx Will: Awe sweetie😘 well let's not think too much about the future or the past then, just enjoy the time we spend together:) my favourite quote which is attributed to loads of different people is 'time you have enjoyed wasting is not wasted time' now I like it because of the mindset it allows me to think in, I tend to get worried an stressed about missing out on things and always feeling like I have to do interesting things and have stories an stuff and that quote comforts me because it makes me stress less about the future:) and communication hun it will be okay:) what wavelength do you feel we are on at the moment hun?:)xxxx *interruption from 4th Nov mE: I JUST SAID IDK. WHY'D HE ASK ME AGAIN? Duuuude* Me: God dang it. I just want you Will. I don't know what wavelength we're on, but I know I want you xxxx *YAAAAS. GO 16 y/o ME!!!! I FINALLY TOLD HIM THREE DAYS AGO, to me writing this email, THAT I WANT HIM* Will: Aww that's so cute Chloe hehe I want you too😊 final question which I want you to answer how you truly feel, what should I reply when people ask me annoying questions like 'are you an Chloe official yet' and 'will why haven't you asked her yet, are you together or what'😂 it's up to you, you want more time to take things at a comfy pace that's cool, if you feel your there that's cool too😊 xxxx *ffs boy. Was my desperation not obvious before?* Me: You probably wanted answers to that right off the bat but I feel like I needed this little development to sort through stuff. So here I am, answering how I TRULY feel. I do want to be yours and I do want things to be official. I feel selfish throwing it out there like that, but that's how it is ☺ xxxx Will: Hehe it's alright😊 and awe yayy me too😊hehe it's okay to be selfish sometimes☺aw I'm so happy Chloe you are wonderful❤xxx *of course I ******* am.* Me: I know, right? 😉 You don't give yourself enough credit, I'm a tough cookie to crack sometimes. You're beautiful ☺ xxxx *is it odd to call a guy beautiful? It shouldn't be. I don't see it to be so* Will: Aw hehehe thanks darling but you are beautifuler😉xxxx ~~~ I think it may be time for sleep now hehe goodnight sweetie😊xxxx *twit. I just unloaded my feelings and you're going to sleep?! Sure, I'm taking literally 20 minutes to respond because I'm a wreck but please, don't leaaave* Me: Goodnight Wilfred ❤ xxxx Will[iam(not fred because his real name is William. But I call him Wilfred)]: Goodnight Chlobert❤xxxx For anyone that isn't me and reading this, Chlobert is kinda an ugly nickname. But I love it. So, it's been perhaps 7 months? 7 months of liking each other, 3 gigs, a night of hand holding and hugs, and day of kissing and fondling to FINALLY move forward. Is it too soon? Future me, are you laughing at what past you doesn't know awaits for me? Are you smiling at the fond memories of your ex (unless we're still together then holy ****, props to you) Or are you upset? No, you're probably cringing at how gross, sweet, but sort of short, the conversation was. I decided to send this because I like going back to messages from previous years, I want to go back to this conversation one day too. Doing this makes sure that I'll see it. I love him. And I hate him for making me fall in love. I know he wont be the last but I didn't want a first to begin with. I try so hard to avoid these things. I was the wing woman for Kayla, they were meant to be together. Except he liked me and not her... Has karma treated you well? xD Adios, ********** (future me and the public reading this)