diary

Dear "future" me, heyy. it sounds like im trying to be cool(: anyway, im sending this letter to you, myself, because i want to remember. i want to remember what i thought today, what i was like when i was 14, because sometimes i scare myself. i scare myself with the thought that when i wake up in a year, in a month, next week, or even tomorrow, i won't remember what i thought, what i was feeling today, or probably what i ate for breakfast. doesn't that sound scary? it's funny what you remember. i can recite you passages from my 5th grade history textbook practically word for word, yet i can't remember to do my chores everyday or what kind of kid i was when i was 4. and i want to remember those things. deep down, i guess i hope that this will be some sort of self-therapy. i mean i have a lot to get off my chest. i hope it works too. i hope that 2 years from now, i will be a better person. i hope that i'm happy and that my relationships with the people i love are good. i would like myself to take a second as your reading this to ask yourself some questions and honestly answer them. am i happy with my life and friendships and relationships? am i satisfied with what i have accomplished as a person and student? i honestly hope the answer to these questions is yes. relationships are tough. you really have to work at them. they just don't make themselves or maintain or repair themselves. i really have to try. duhhhh i'm probably saying right now. but in case you forgot, i just realized this recently. like that my parents aren't some type of super humans that can't be hurt by words or mean comments. everyone is. sticks and stones can break bones, and words will hurt too. "baby steps." that is what it takes to become a better person as my book tells me. and as of right now i am working on that. because before i can change the world, i have to change myself. "The sun before the burn The thunder before the lightning The breathe before the fraze." -p!nk Step by step. So right now it is 1:01 in the morning and i am awake. even though i took two tylenol pm! i think i am an insomniac. so instead of sleeping like a normal person, i am writing this. weird, right? i could be reading, trying to sleep, or just petting my dog. i am typing this because i want to send myself i little reminder. i want to remind you to be yourself, and that no matter what, i love you. i love myself. i don't want to become a clone of someone else. i don't want to be a mold into which people can shape me what ever way they want. so what will i be like when i'm 16? i hope that, as i said before, happy and satisfied with my life. i want to be able to appreciate everything life throws in my face, be it good or bad. even spiders. ha. So i hope this e-mail comes as a pleasant surprise, because even though i will try not to, i know i will probably forgot i sent this. but by 2012, e-mail will probably be some ancient form of communication! anyway, good luck in life, and i hope that this e-mail was a refresher, because god knows everyone needs one once in a while. lots of love, me