A letter from May 14th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I really want him in my life in the future, he means a lot to me and I don’t think he knows how much. I love him, but he doesn’t love me like that, i mean we had our days where we had “I love you more” fights and I liked that I felt good, I felt happy, but now I’m trapped in a box all alone with no one by my side, no one to love me, and it’s sad, it’s depressing, I thought he stilled loved me like before but turns out he loves someone else now, and i might say “that’s okay”when really it’s breaking me in the inside, im shattered in the inside. Will I ever show it¿ no, never. Will I ever ask for help¿ nope, never. because I know, I know at the end of the day when I tell someone what’s wrong with me they end up judging me or understanding me and not give advice, so I’d rather stay quiet and not say a word or make myself look sad because even if someone helps me or gives me advice I might take that advice, I might not, it depends on how I feel. Whenever someone says not to give up I listen to those three words very carefully and make sure to remember the person who said that. Because if u give up on that one person that u love very deeply you won’t be yourself anymore. I’ve liked the same boy sense I was 8 and never gave up I never let go, I made sure i held onto him as long as possible. He keeps letting go of me while I’m here trying to love him, but he just keeps running away , every time, it’s every time I get him back he runs away again, and I honestly don’t know why. I lost him 5 times in the past year or so, and I always try to find a way for him to come back, I try to guide him to my life, to the right path, but he goes the other way, he goes in the wrong path. All I wants is him, and only him and he dose not understand that he really doesn’t. He’s probably smiling at someone else’s texts right now but it’s okay, I’ll be okay, with or without him. because at the end of the day i know he’ll still be here. I just want him in my future that’s all im asking for and I’ll be happy for the rest of my life¡