A letter from September 12th, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Our (my) Dad passed away two days ago Monday November 28th 2022 He took his own life after months of battling with depression. I’m in so much pain. I miss him so much. It feels so unreal Today is his birthday November 30th . His 60th! We should be out celebrating with him instead I’m at home bawling my eyes out over and over again Meeting with Kelly at 12:00 at the Bath one of his favourite pubs for a birthday drink and possibly a few of his friends will turn up for one as well, but is very short notice so we shall see. It would be nice to see some old faces but honestly this pain is so much I’m not sure if it’ll be a good or bad thing seeing everyone Spoken to Helen a fair bit. I know she’s moved on. Has a new boyfriend that’s has some medical issues recently so I know she’s worried and stressed about him so trying to not burden her with my own misery to much (honestly not sure I’m being very restrained, she’s the only one I have that’s not overtly close to dad etc) I know he really liked her from what little he saw of her he was happy for me and “proud I could find a woman as good as her” It’s so hard at the moment. I know it’s what he wanted. And he was suffering and now that suffering has stopped but now my suffering has begun and my pain is here to deal with I just want to grab my wallet and run away, I feel like a lost child in the woods and it’s starting to get dark. I’m lost and scared and just want my dad!!! What’s really sad is I can’t find many pictures of us together, when I can compose myself enough I’ll have to go through my phone. Facebook and my old external HDD (last we met I agreed to lend it to him as it has a lot of his old photos from 20odd years back that he’d taken, I never did or tried to get it to him) At the moment I can hardly move But across the room from me is the chest that he built for me, last year I started to take it apart to fix it, I never got very far but once I sort myself out. I’ll finish fixing it and build it back up to make him proud. Hopefully when you ( I ) am reading this it will be complete, he has my initials engraved on the lid I might had his initials and DOB or something like that as a memory Anyways. I need to dry my eyes and get changed. It’s almost time to meet Kelly and walk to the pub Happy birthday Da I love you so much xxx Sorry I didn’t say it more, I hope you know xxx