A letter from Apr 03, 2023

Dear FutureMe, I hope you’ve found a place you can call yours. Doesnt matter how big or what. I hope you have a room you can call yours. I feel like a burden sometimes. For a few months I have been like this. I don’t have a bed to call mine, I don’t have a home I’m proud of. I don’t really have a home. Who knows where I will end up in a few months. I say that but the situation will probably never change. Sitting in a moldy room rotting away, not my room, my dads. I live here, it’s the only bed, I was too blind I thought of it as my bed only for when other people come round for me to be kicked off. My dad gets mad every time I wake him up because he’s snoring. He said he wouldn’t get mad this time and he would go up into the bedroom as I am sleeping on the sofa. Like I was at beccas for the past two nights. There was a time where I was sofa hopping, maybe a year ago? Can you believe it? At 14 I’m sofa hopping. All I want is a room yet its so hard. I feel like I don’t belong, I am a nuisance to dad, a nuisance to my mum, and a nuisance to becca. When can I not ? When can I be self dependent and become a nuisance for myself? I hope you have a room. I hope you have a home, a place because right now I don’t feel like I have one. I have so many thoughts about the past, present and future. What have I done in my life I can be proud of? I cant think of one. Hopefully I can be proud of something Moments like this I wish I was back in time where I had my own room, even if it was small and I could hear my brother snoring. I miss my mum, I forgot how much I miss her. Maybe even if it’s just right now. If I could I would go to hers and hug her. I am crying right now. I act like my life is hard. To tell you the truth, if my mum lived on her own, I would totally rather live with her than my dad. It’s fine getting into an argument with my mum but with my dad he seems to make it as if everything is my fault? I love him but he isn’t a good person, generally. On the outside he is but not the inside. I know he loves me, I love him but he’s a hard person to deal with. It’s all about him, one small mistake can mean EVERYTHING to him. I have to tell him I’m going to sleep soon and he will have to get up and go to the bedroom, but I don’t want him to get annoyed because he will make me feel bad though I didn’t do anything wrong, I can sleep with him snoring, that’s one of the reasons I left home. “Things will have to change” No ****. I want everything to change. I don’t like the situation I am in. Why can’t I skip a couple years. Please.