A letter from December 3rd, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Hello self! this is you from year ago, I'm literally crying rn, okay so our long distance bf, I feel like he doesn't love me 😭 or maybe he love another girl pls!! he only messages me 5 mins when he woke up and after that he'll already said he had to go and just say i love you 😭 it gets worse cus he'll only message me again 5 mins before he sleep😞 yk how clingy we are!!! I wanna beg for his attention but I don't want to look obsessive and crazy to him but I crave for his attention and I can't help but overthink things! I wanna try and chat the chatgpt to get some advices but it won't load so I'll just vent here, I tried asking for advice from an online friend (digo) and he said that he might be uninterested and also (airy) told us he broke up with his ex bf because she was so clingy and he eventually get tired of her 😓 please I'm scared that those might apply with Lucas, I don't wanna lose him, I love him smmm 😓 kyleen and alec just recently broke up because of the same reason I'm really scared and overthinking yk, I know he's probably busy studying and doing other stuff and i know that he deserved to put boundaries and I'm aware that he has his personal life too but it's just that... I don't know I miss him, I love him so much and I really dont wanna lose him idk why my jealousy is getting worse 😭 like literally he just told me about the girl who helped her when he's so depressed in the past and I'm fully aware that the girl already has a bf now but still i can't help but overthink what if they could've dated in the past if its not for her current bf! 😭 PLEASE I'M GONNS CRY WHAT IF HE HAD A FEELINGS FOR HER IN THE PAST AND HE WAS SCARED TO TELL HER THAT AND IT REACHES THE POINT WHERE THE GIRL MET HER CURRENT BF AND WHEN HE GOT THE NEWS HE DECIDED TO JUST KEEP IT AND MOVE ON CUS WHAT IF, I'M SO SCARED. Cus I've been doing the same thing for him over the past few months we're friends, I'm listening to him and trying to comfort him whenever he's lonely or going through something and the fact that I can see myself from the girl we have the same traits so what if he just liked me cus he see a bit of her in me 😭 I'm overthinking so much, I cant show him this side of me he'll despise me sm 😞 but I really can't help it 😭 but I trust him 101% it's just my brain. I'm trying to change these traits but it's hard! I've been seeing a lot of tiktok from girls around the globe who are also this jealous and I'm starting to think it's normal but still I don't wanna be like this, if i showed him this he'll despise me and get the ick, he'll feel that he's being limited and stuck with me. Please I really need your help 😢 this is definitely not my first relationship but I have never been this clingy and so romantically inlove with someone to the point that I'll be crying my *** in the floor and overthink whole day and writing my self in the future a letter to vent out and release my feelings, I wanna tell him these but I'm afraid that what happened to kyleen and alec could happen to us too. In trying my best to be an understanding and sweet gf for him I really do, I wanna make him feel that he's free to do anything and I'll support him always. I already pressured myself because based on him his ex treated him bad and I don't want to be like them so I told him that I'll do my best to not end up like them, he didnt told me the reasons and what happened but I know that it's rude if I ever ask the reasons why and maybe he got traumatized by those events and I want him to be comfortable to me. He did warn me though that it's dangerous to love him and get attached to him and that I shouldn't do that because he wanted to protect my heart and mind from him, i really don't understand what he meant from there but he told me that he might say things and do things that might make me sad and could affect our relationship but he wont ever do any of those he just want me to be protected incase it really happened but I'm so blinded by my love for him so idc I still love him, thinking about that it makes le overthink more about the things he might do and I'm scared what it is 😭 is he talking about having a crush on another girl?? 😭 Please I feel so sad 😞 I really love him and this is the first time i feel like this.