A letter from Dec 06 ,2023

Dear Future Me, Back again Dec 6 Mother is in another country, my head is aching and my head is about to blow tell me how you are doing, feeling like ******* myself, took it again the satlesa, I feel like like crying, how do you feel, Father is putting on the ' I'm a good father' act he almost broke it yesterday but somehow managed to compose himself, if this is a self diary the amount of things I have to say is crazy, I feel high if music is really therapy who is my therapist? We are keeping it cool( that's a lie). Jan 1 are we still pink-flaged? Was it just a phase? Do you still think you have BPD/BIPOLAR? I was thinking it's most likely Bpd because of the signs. I'm kind of scared because I see and hear things sometimes. It's 1:25 right now. I think I'm a metal ruler now but just slightly bent. I'll see you later. Ok I'm back it's 10:27 right now and I was here earlier but I mistakenly sent then deleted the letter but we couldn't make the streak, maybe one I'll stop, kind of sad again but somewhat angry; I seriously don't know what is wrong with me, and a some point the derealization is getting worse especially with Bpd I don't even know at this point I feel like I'm trapped in my own mind- ok I'm going to bath now 10:23 you're probably wondering but I mistakenly wrote the first time wrong that's why it's 27 and 23. I GUESS THAT'S ALL BYEEEEEEEE also stay sober. Ok I'm back I forget the main reason I wrote this letter, ok let's start. May 17- 11:47 I found out the truth about father May 19- (No time) I found out her ********* May 28- (No time) I had a feeling father passed May 29- (No time) I had a dream father tried to **** me June 13- (No time) I had a bad dream and said I hated him June 21- (No time) I had a dream where I was getting shot Jul 6- 11:48 I think I'm good now Sep 26- 23:21 He doesn't want to see us Sep 27- 20:29 The burns and thE burnt Oct 7- (No time) The ditiEst Oct 28- (No time) The Accident(M) Oct 30- 21:29(But no time exact) The Cockroach (U) Don't remember the date- (No time) I had a dream shE got raped Don't remember the date- (No time) The bucket and thE head push Jan 19- 2017 (No time) The forcEful dog Nov 3- (No time) Two for watEr Nov 24- (No time) They are all the saMe Nov 25- (No time) I finally thought about the beating specifically hers, I aM not okay Sep 20- (No time) We are clean DonE Sep 22- 20:26/but not the time specifically We celebrated the fact that our visa was out Nov 27- (No time) No longEr clean Dec 2- (No time) I had a dream she was cUtting herself,scars Dec 8- Mother is back I struggled with addiction, and different things I don't know what to do I cried yesterday 12/08/2023 I'm sorrryyy OK BYEEEEEEEEEE