A letter from Apr 24, 2024

Dear FutureMe, I feel like I can't breath. I think I might have bit off more than I can chew. My internship is done in a month. I'm not even close to being done with **** I need to do. I'll even have to start studying for the animal course soon, which will also be full time and pretty hardcore. Then, without taking any ******* breaks, I will be on a plane to Dublin. Which I haven't even booked yet. I have seriously outdone myself in terms of planning ngl. But alas. Its done and I just have to drag myself through it. I have so many experiments that I have to redo because they didn't work properly and I can't use them for my thesis. All in a months time. I'm going to CRY. There's just a mental breakdown waiting to happen, I can feel it :). I'm going to have to ask my supervisor for help soon. I don't like asking for help though. It's like I'm not capable of finishing my work. But I feel very stressed already. And supplies keep running low because people are incapable of ******* cleaning up after themselves or giving a **** about the lab inventory. I also have this ******* thesis and presentation. God why did I think this was a good ******* idea. I think I might have girl bossed a bit too close to the **** sun. I just wish I could ask if it all turns out okay. If I survived this. I cannot imagine everything goes smoothly. I still have all those grants that I haven't heard back from. Pretty sure I will get rejected from all of them. I should be ******* thankful I got the erasmus one. It's just very important to me that I don't have a public breakdown at work. If I have a breakdown, LET IT BE AFTER WORK OR AT HOME. I don't feel like having breakdowns in front of my supervisors. I managed to hold my own during almost 2 degrees. I will survive this. I know I will. And I know failing is not the worst thing in the world. But my brain is not listening to me right now. Gotta love having anxiety. At least I've come a long ******* way since high school. Panic attacks are few and far between. I hope my reply to this will be like, yeah some things didn't work out but that's okay. I hope I found my time in Dublin fun. I hope the animal course was not as **** as I expect it to be. I hope I finish this internship on a high note. You know what I got this. I ******* got this. My confidence is really all over the place right now. It'll be fine. I WILL GET THAT DEGREE. Please tell me it was fine and I'm over-reacting (I am).