A letter from March 21st, 2014

Dear FutureMe, Hi. I'm writing this from a kindle fire (remember those, future me?), so it's not going to be my best work. I don't feel like pulling out my laptop at the moment though. I should get this in 10 years, so I doubt kindle fire will still be a thing. So, an update about present me(or for you, past me), I'm 19, not yet in college, living in smalltown Missouri. I'm not over Anna (maggie) yet... I don't know if I ever will be. I'm ******** bi, romantically ***. My tumblr sign in is KittyQualtagh, and I'm reading This Star Won't Go Out, by Esther Earl. I'd ask you questions about myself and about the world, but i think that's pretty pointless - you can't really answer them. Instead I suppose I'll tell you about me right now. I'm scared, future me, of the future. I want to know what path to take in life. I want to know where I'm going to end up, and whether I'll be happy. I really want a quietly amazing life, but I'm so scared that isn't going to happen. There is so much I want to do in my life, but I'm to scared to do it all, or even try. I'm scared that it won't be worth it. I'm scared I'll mess it up. I'm just scared. Like - I want to make youtube videos, but I'm scared they'll suck. I want to go to college, but I'm scared I'll do horribly. I hope whatever path I took was the right one, and that I'm happy, future me. I really do. I wonder if Jazzie will still be around. Right now she's exploring my room. I moved the blankets from my sea chest to grab something and was too lazy to put them away, so she thinks that's all a bit fascinating. I wonder what my interests will be when you read this. I doubt I'll still love Sherlock, The Avengers, and Welcome To Night Vale. That makes me kind of sad, but I know it's natural. I wonder if I'll ever lose weight, and if I don't, I wonder if I'll learn to be happy in my own skin. I hope so. I wonder if I'll still be alive. That's something I'm still considering at this point - whether I should continue this lonely trip in the human experiment. I suppose it's part of the constant existential crisis I'm going through. I know when I read these words, I'll roll my eyes at how melodramatic I sound. The thing is, though, I'm being serious. Oh well, whatever. -katy