A letter from August 9th, 2014

Dear FutureMe, Please forward this letter to your husband. Don't read this just yet, let him read it first. You have been warned. Hello there! :) This is your 19-year-old idealistic, young, naive wife. I shall be speaking to my future self in third person because well.. I can haha. Anyway, I have no idea who you are, and I have no idea how you've met. Did she meet you at work? Maybe in one of her travels? Maybe had one of those love-at-first-sight moments in public transpo? Are you European? American? Asian? Do you like art? business? advertising? marketing? who knows. But I know that if she's chosen you, you guys are perfect for each other. Look at her. Just LOOK at her. I want to you look deep into those almond-shaped eyes and just cherish that moment. Go on. Tell her she's beautiful. Tell her she's badass in every way and tell her how much you love her. Tell her how smart she is, how deep her thoughts are and how clumsy, flimsy, lazy and crazy she is, but you love all those qualities anyway. She's not into very cheesy things, but she'll appreciate this so much and deep inside she's loving every minute of it. I should know. She's a little narcissistic sometimes without her trying to show people that ;) Let me tell you something about this idealistic past of hers. When she was 19 she dreamed of travelling from one place to another, finding herself and falling in love with the world, and maybe even falling in love with someone along the way, too. She was sheltered ever since. She wants to escape her present life and learn to live with the moment. Coexisting. This girl also believed in love at first sight. She dreamed every day of knowing what it's like to be touched, feel secured and have tender moments with the man she loves. She's been lonely for a while. Maybe a long while. Waiting and waiting for that special person. Maybe she might have explored along the way, just to gain experiences to know what it's like - a sneak peak of what is to happen. But rest assured, she loves you so much more than anyone that she's ever loved. EVER. She loves your humor, your intellect, your adventurous outlook in life, how your scruffy beard would feel rough against her face, how you would dress up in a suit every now and then just to take her out on a special date, or how you'd rather spend the whole day playing games and watching movies together, how you attempt to do things you don't normally do just for her... everything! She just loves you to pieces! You can tell that from the way she treats you when you are both alone. You can tell that from her kisses, her touch, her effort into making you happy. This young, idealistic girl was once a coward. Scared to fall deeply, scared to go out of her comfort zone, and scared to say what's truly, truly on her mind. She masks her feelings from everybody else, making everyone think she's happy and cheery and funny and unaffected by anything. But we both know that's just a front. If she shares her every single thought to you, it means she trusts you COMPLETELY. Please don't make light of that, it takes great courage for her to be vulnerable, to show her negative cloud, to rage and rant and to go into a depressed burrito stage once in a while. Sometimes, she'd get into a mourning stage right after reading a nice book, series or movie. Or maybe if she watches a nice video online and she'd get really inspired. Maybe sometimes it's work-related, maybe she wasn't able to do her best or maybe she just feels some kind of void every now and then. Maybe she misses someone she loves dearly. Please don't make her feel worse. She could be very dramatic and emotional sometimes. Take her out for a walk, hold her hand and tell her it will all be fine. Get her to do something exciting, adrenaline-rushing. Go up somewhere. She loves heights. Make her forget about everything just for a little bit. Give her a breather. Oh, and remind her how special she is, she tends to forget that sometimes. She likes to think she's a writer, so read through her manuscripts, nod your head occasionally and give your honest opinions about it. She also likes to take pictures. Lots and LOTS of pictures! She has an idea bank of shots that she wants to do (mostly self portraits) but in a very artistic way. She also has a lot of ideas on couple lovey-dovey shots, so please support her when she says she wants to have a photo shoot with you. When you guys go somewhere together, take pictures of her, videos of her and capture memories. It would seem superficial at first, but she's gonna need those clips to combine into one video. It's going to remind her of the fun times you've had with each other and it will help her get through the rest of her days. She likes to draw. Encourage her! If she tells you to stay still, please do so. Most important of all, just be yourself around her. Don't impress her, she's easily impressed anyway ha ha. I know this letter has been mostly about her the whole time, and I apologize for that. Like I said, Claire can be very narcissistic sometimes haha. But here's a little bit just for you. I can promise you she will love you with all her heart. She will open up her soul to you. If she can learn to cook gourmet, healthy food, she will prepare food for you every now and then. Just to prolong your lifespan. Cheat days are an exemption. She will run and jog and exercise with you. She will hug you when she misses you. She'll breathe in your scent and tell you you smell good - memorize it and miss it when you're not with her. She will cuddle with you on the couch as you read your book or newspaper or feeds or articles as she does the same. She'll watch the series premiere of your favorite show with you. You guys will spazz and talk about how you feel in the latest episodes. She will make music with you. She'll make songs and instrumentals about your lives. She will share her geeky fandoms of all the things she's loved as a kid. She'll play physical games with you. Get competitive with sports with you. She will drink with you in a pub, eat in restaurants or food stalls with you, anywhere, everywhere! Food is a big factor of your relationship! She might give you cramps, but she'll help make the pain go away by inflicting more pain ha ha. And did I mention she will make you laugh? So much. Just as much as you make her laugh. You guys will exchange fart jokes, puns, dirty jokes, inside jokes and all kinds of jokes in the world! She will make you enjoy life. She will give you all these crazy random ideas that you end up doing. She will hold you when you feel bad. She'll kiss the pain away. She'll make wild and passionate love to you as if it causes a tear in the fabric of existence but she sacrifices, anyway. She'd want to explore the possibilities of changing up a routine ohohohoo~. She will get down and dirty. She will change your tires, as long as you tell her how to do it in easy steps. She'll throw mud at you while hiking to a peak. She will get on a motorbike with you in the backseat and drive recklessly, almost probably ******* you. She will jump off a cliff with you and crash land on the waterfall bed and she will laugh so hard, hugging you and thanking God you're both alive after a stunt like that. She will travel with you alone or with company to all sorts of exotic places in the world and give you random unecessary info about about the architecture and art and facades and languages and culture and food and people! And will love every minute of it! She willl go to parties and drink sparkling wine and talk to practically anyone, dances with anyone, making your friends comfortable around you. She has that kind of charm. All clean, good fun. But remember that after the whole evening, she will walk to the parking lot of to where the car is and she belongs to you and only you. She would even probably suggest that you dance together in the silence of the night, with the moonlight shining off both of your faces. (don't forget who's taking you home and in whose arms you're gonna be.. so darlin', save the last dance for me~) Again, she is a hopeless romantic. She will bite her lip in excitement when she hears a nat king cole, rod stewart, norah jones or harry connick jr. record. Or maybe bangs her head when you play metallica, **** n roses, queen, the beatles or nirvana. She will talk to you about her plans of the world, her ambitions, her dreams and her wishes. She will share her philosophy in life. Her stand on religion and respect and the different way she looks at life while laying on the grass or at the back of a pick up truck decorated with pillows and forts while under the shining stars. She will settle down with you. She will wear the ring you saved up for her on her ring finger - mighty and proud. She will endure 9 months of endless pain and mixed emotions just to get to hold that little darling you implanted on her that's been feeding off her life energy all that time. Bear with her when that time comes. She will be ten times more aggressive and emotional. She will teach the kids to have fun in life, but not to be naive. She will love the kids with her whole heart, just as how she's shown her love with you. She will want them to explore into different hobbies, cultures, people and she will give them the best of what she can offer in life. She will teach them the beauty of hard work and labor, and she will teach them the important things in life. She will love you until your hair turns grey. She will hold your hand as both of you sit on the rocking chair enjoying the view of the sunset, reminiscing about life and how lucky she was to have met you. She might forget about you after a while when that happens. Maybe forget your face and your name and your children, but please bear with her. She's sorry, remorseful. She doesn't mean for that. She's always had very bad memory as a kid. But know that underneath all those obstacles, the eyes you will be looking at will be the same eyes you've always been looking at. They will always stare back at you with that same spark that you've seen the first time she's laid eyes on you. She loves you. And she knows you love her too. Take care, both of you. Best wishes and more solid years together. Love, 19-year-old Claire