abundance

Dear FutureMe, My friend!! How great this life is, it seems that all things are just as they should be... so much more than my words to you now could ever comprehend. But somehow these words, a link across time, seem so safe for me and you. At the end of a marvelously rainy and long Monday, these words are so safe to write to you. I want to write more often to you. I think I will. There is surely an abundance of time. And I can do anything I want. Yeah, whatever it is you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows. Writing to the future always makes me wonder about my soul and eternity, and all that jazz. How weird would it be if you had never gotten to read this, because Jesus returned and time ceased to exist..? It weirds me out... it gives me shivers... makes me so excited. There is hope of heaven! And how can I fear the future when God knows and plans it all? And not reading this letter from my past self is the smallest of things to miss out on. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing compares to the immensity of beauty of seeing Jesus and being there before God... I look forward to His coming. With fear and with some doubt, but mostly with enthusiastic anticipation. Oh, my words are feeble. Even the world could not contain all the words that could be written about my feelings, about Christ. You'll understand. And in this moment I'm writing this for me as much as you. With fear and doubt, but mostly excitement, my dear FutureMe. I think I'm going to take a **** at doing Morning Pages for a while. Because words feel so safe and I like feeling safe. I don't like that I tend to complain in the morning when I write. My happy-go-lucky stream of conscience gives way to a lower pattern of thought that wants to talk about to do lists and complain about things easily fixed. So when I complain, I offer advice for myself. So easily fixed. And when I notice I'm not giving praise to God, not thinking good thoughts, not imagining the gloriously beautiful things I will accomplish in the next 24 hours.... it helps to focus on positivity again. Rebut. Refute. Realign. And then I go about my day feeling wonderful. I like keeping my Surely Goodness And Mercies; it helps so much to have one small step each day. And a year ago, two years ago, I would have thought I could never do this little thought each day, but now I would be lost without it. It's easy. I know I can do it. I expect it. I anticipate it. I know the feeling of immense joy and peace it allows me to channel. It's a link to the things of God, and I need that so much. Mornings are good. Waking up earlier is great. I like to get things done in the mornings. Like drinking water and admiring sky, these are things I should be doing every morning because these are things that make me grin, things I want to be doing. There is a niggling feeling for uni study things as well. Why? Will it ever leave? Tomorrow is a great day for catching up on half my readings for the elective, for jotting quick notes, for reading my student email. If I get that done, I've done the most important. They say one thing on the to do list is a good way to go. Get one thing done, the most important thing done, then you've got the rest of the day to frivolously enjoy. Mmmmm, yes tomorrow is certainly a day for frivolous enjoyment. Maybe I will drive, get hours up for my Ls, take Lucy to IGA to search for on-sale Easter eggs for her 15th birthday party on Wednesday. It's good being home. I've had 6 weeks of uni so far, and it's basically one huge holiday. Jealous much? Nah, because your life is just the same, right? Never do something you don't love. You are here because you want to be. That's my mantra. You've got happiness for the rest of your life, my dear one. Go to sleep happy knowing that. I breezed through the HSC last year, and if I can survive that with levels of more than 100% happiness, then you and I have a glorious future. We've found happiness early. I'm fighting for you now. Another day of happiness under the belt. It's not exactly hard work these days though. Life is too good! I wander through grocery shops revelling in abundance, grinning. I drive in pouring rain, smiling, because I know I can convince my body not to sneeze until after I've negotiated a potentially particularly tricky bend. I bake cakes and play piano and kwa-fuffle with Sam and Lucy. I don't eat chocolates for Easter but I write letters to my future self and decide to do Morning Pages again. Yeah, life is good. Maybe even because of the long rainy Mondays and psych. study to do. What do you think? Either way, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am here because I want to be here. Every morning I wake up, and I choose this. I choose YOU. An abundance of love and happiness, my friend, from your seventeen-year-old self. xx