A letter from June 26th, 2015

Dear FutureMe, Since you're reading this, you might as well be listening to 'circles' by passenger or some other mushy, nostalgic thing that's going to make you cry, you big baby. What are you waiting for? Before you read another word, pull it up on YouTube and grab a bunch of tissues or something. So, how's life? I hope it's going well. It's not going well for me, if I'm being honest. I'm sure you remember that crappy feeling you had when you thought you'd fucked up your life for good. Or at least for a little while. Skipping class seemed like a good idea and then I got sucked into a vortex of skipping class, and suddenly it was too late to go back to class, and then suddenly the school year ended and you were screwed. Thankfully summer school was an option, eh? Now I'm laying on that horrible, dandery futon the gallops gave us when we moved into that creaky little house you lived in for 12th grade, listening to sad music and dreading next week. Thanks to my own stupidity I don't get to enjoy summer. I know I'll get through it, but I know I won't like it. Ahaha. I'm sure it seems like old news hey? I'll stop rambling on. I know myself fairly well, so I'll reassure you of a few things: It's not the end of the world. Whatever bad thing is going on right now will pass, or you'll get used to it. Either way, you will be OK. You will be OK. If your friends hang around with you, I'm pretty sure it means they like you. Try not to worry about it if they don't invite you to every single thing that happens. Yeah, it feels like a slap to the face, but it's more than likely you're overreacting. Plan dinners and invite them over. Make extravagant meals or desserts or presents or something and throw a party. If you're having a hard time, clean up the house. Tidy it up, then pop in the shower. After the shower, get dressed. Make yourself look presentable if not cute, whatever that means to you, and go buy something. Preferably something you need, like dish soap or groceries. But if you've got all that, buy a treat or something. Something small. No more than $10 if you can manage. Call a family member or an old friend. Invite them for lunch or something. Go for a walk. Make something. Pre-make healthy meals for the week. Play some damn clarinet for gods sake, sweetheart. Or take a nap. Ok. I'm done with the preachy, annoying crap. Now I'll get onto the naggy portion of the email. How's your student debt? Were you ready to move away from home? Did you talk to a therapist? Did you follow through with your sock monkey business plan? Did you sell a piece of art for more than $100? Did you keep playing clarinet? Are you actively playing? Did you get your life sorted out? Are you wishing you were still in high school when times were simple? Have you binge-watched anything lately? Binge-read? Are you trying to get in shape? When was the last time you wanted to die? Are you financially stable? Are you emotionally stable? Are you happy? Will you travel? Is your hair still blue? What are you doing with your life? Please tell me that $30,000 school was worth it for gods sake. You had better be successful as fuck by now, haha. Did you manage to quit smoking yet? I swear to god, you had better quit. I can't think of any more questions. Now I'll move onto goals that I am setting for myself to achieve by the time I'm you. I'll aim for 5. 1. Still playing clarinet and doing art. 2. Physically healthy. (Working out, eating well) 3. Mentally healthy (speaking/spoke to a therapist) 4. Financially stable (managing student debt, good credit, have all necessities and spending $ if possible) 5. In a happy, healthy relationship Ok. I'll stop harassing you now. If I know myself I probably stopped reading halfway through because I was too annoyed at myself for actually writing and sending this. But I'll just have to deal with it I guess. Or I won't. Whatever. Lol Peace out Love, your 18 year old self.