HEYA!

Dear FutureMe, You are listening to music right now. To be exact, the song is called "[HD] tyDi & Dennis Sheperd feat Marcie - Somehow [UNRELEASED!] (Unofficial video) NEW VOCAL TRANCE" on you tube. You are also doing summer school work, and you need to poo so you will continue writing this on the toilet. Ok thats better. This song remind you of going to see Benny Benassi with Kat. The music was amazing and you met Kami... memories of him were strong after that night, but they've really begun to fade away now. You know hes just a passer by and John is your solid pillar. You went to his house on the weekend and you were so happy he called because as usual you guys were in a fight, and even though you knew he would call back eventually, the thought of never hearing from him again totally made you sad and needy. Seeing him made you really happy. He told you many times that he loves you and missed you. When he asked you if you love him, you said "maybe" because you love him so much, and you think that by being coy, you will make him stick around you. He told you to behave youself and not sleep with old jewish men. you love that he wants you to be his only, but you know you'll go out and play some more. This time you wont feel as bad, because you've made it clear to him you're single. Something tells me he'll still be in your life when you read this. Oh by the way, congrats on graduating! As I write this, I know you will have graduated, because as "lazy" as you are sometimes, you allways seem to get things done. And you're smart. I wonder if you've changed much, because I still feel like I'm the same girl I was in highschool...plus a few more experiances. In 4 days, it will be a full month since dad passed away. I dreamt about him last night, and dream about him a lot. I wonder if you will say the same when you read this. I miss him a lot. Life seems somewhat normal after everything...but its missing a chunk of it...and I know that chunk is gone forever. I hope you still love yourself, because I freggin love myself so much. I really hope you're happy with yourself...but I know you are. Don't worry if you still don't have a boyfriend or someone you are sure you will marry and have a family with. You are still super young... I am 5'8, 120 pounds, my hair is blonde with platinum highlights and slight layers around my face. I have a lot of massive bruises on my legs right now because I fell down the stairs with my chunky heels. Luckily mom was there to comfort you....and kick your bum for now wear underwear! I'm a naughty girl. But I'm sure you are too....even if you keep it a secret from most people :) Some favourite clothing peices right now are these: chunky black and white heels from Winners, The White dress i wore at Basia's wedding shower from FCUK, my white birthday dress from marciano that i also wore to see benni, and two cute white dresses from H&M...one has flowers on it and one is plain and you wore it while riding John and his penis which you love inside of you. On the one hand, I love John and I'm pretty sure he makes me happy. If you're still with him when you read this, I'm not surprised and CONGRATULATIONS...thats about 6 years this guy has been in your heart, he could be the one. My optimistic and self-loving self also kindof hopes that maybe you met someone even better, who's even more notorious and makes you feel even more high....but I'm not sure thats possible. I love you. I don't even have much advice for you because I think we are rather predictable and stable, you and I. I've really picked up a bunch of life motto's to follow... I'll remind you of some of them, just so you can smile and realize that you consciously formatted them into your brain! here they are. Don't worry, whats the point? worrying is worse than whats actually around the corner. Make every second count. Embrace your saddness or anxiousness (Magda told you this one). Yin and Yang man.... with the good comes bad and with the bad comes good...its allways even in the end so like...whatever man (people say you're laid back and easy going and you LOVE LOVE LOVE when they say that....because you don't like to be all stressy and high-strung). You like to take Karma into your own hands sometimes...and when people close to you hurt you, you hurt them three times as badly (why? I don't know) but if you're worth it, your arms will open to them again. You are bad at cutting people off...but the ones that have been successfully cut are proboblly seriously bad people. you LOVE your family. You love Magda and Marcin who are still living with you right now...even though both of them are planning on leaving soon. You love your mommy....duh, you allways have. You love tatus! you allways have. And he totally got to know you and your deepest parts before he went. he lived a full life...and even though you miss him sooo much and are so sad when you think about what he went through, you are also happy because he wants you to be happy! And strong, because he was the strongest person in your life EVER and thats why you're such a rock. As happy as I am with myself right now, I know that I do have some growing do to! And I'm excited for it. I'm thinking about what my career will be, and I'm totally unsure. Right now I am confident that I am a good business person, and I'm creative. But whenever I think about work and stuff, all I can think about is how work and school are very insignificant to me. I want to be successful in them, and I'm rather sure I will be, but most of all I want to spend time with my family and friends, and I want to do everything in my power to be a GOOD THING in their life because I love them and making them happy makes me happy. And spending time with them makes me happy. I know and have known for a while now that I want kids and I want a family. I want to spend alot of time with my kids and I want us to have lots and lots of adventures and fun. Just like me... my life is and allways has been a serious of crazy adventures. I love them and I hope you love them too Monica! Ok I think this is enough ranting now. I love you.... and I seriously hope you're super healthy while reading this. I wish you all the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In the words of Marek Olszewski: Life is beautiful ps. work your little bum off and make his fortune multiply, he'll watch from above and be proud! (he once said "what a sight! such a beautiful girl doing such tough work) I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!