A letter from January 31st, 2018

Dear Yaso. How are you hanging? I just deleted a letter filled with questions about dreams and whatnot and decided to tell you how i feel right now. I'm feeling so pathatic and depressed like a worthless piece of **** at the moment. After forcing myself to socialize with people in college and social media, i still feel lonely. I believe people are born with certain level of charisma or something that makes them attractive and grab people's attention. And this has nothing to do with being successful because if you didn't forget, i achieved the first honor student at my first year in college. Got great grade from high school and was a shining member of the broadcasting group. i was honored in all my three years in middle school as well as participating in the international science contest twice. Anyone would feel so proud to achieve such things. But as i said, no one would remember me at all. I always feel left out with a group of 3 or more people. So i just lock myself up in my dark room and spend days and weeks in front of a screen playing video games while self-flagellating myself and having suicidal thoughts. I'm a self-destructive introvert who would spare no effort to make anyone happy. But still, no matter what i do, i get kicked out from people's memory after few days as if i was a ghost or something. I had enough of this and i just wanna disappear from everywhere. I'm waiting for a PSN update that allows me to change my sick PSN ID so i can just vanish from everyone's head. The person who was going by the username @Ysi023x in every site will be officially dead xD. I know some people will wonder but they'll move on with thier lives after minutes. Depressing, eh? I just want to put a smile on those who i care about. But whatever😂. I will never let anyone know any of this. No one will ever see how cowerd i am. No one will ever think or care. I will never let anyone see me breaking down. I stand up by myself, get my **** together by myself, and show people how big i can smile :). Even though i'm the most negative, depressed, sad person. All i wanted was just one person to be by my side. Anyway, Sorry for ruining your day. Just remember that the great person you are now was a mentally sick introvert years ago. If you are still alive, that is xD. Oh and good luck finding spelling mistakes :P.