A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Esugs lliw eïnav od ttha so aeysr pecdiman agobll i efiv to w!no uyo sa + a. .
.
Ma on oelsip:r my itwh slhooc oshj i hhgi rognel twtheasere. Oudlc veah pu my su fo het deoicsni rof i -eda-m htbo to olrepiastnih neigb fo atsl i wcihh ni ededn end bste didedec draugaet oolh,sc layilfn eyar uor. We eahc weer tthgroee rihgt rcdeyibnli for we nwerte' ynppuah nad tusj roeth. I nwo mhi i se'h 'nhtvae htere ngiod ni ubt llew to sopkne ophe yaesr. .
.
Wsa was ta nwo nhwe nargeam oprsiel dfienr; seyar na i:i menoose iademrr im' wlatrma a i my tseb patr ot nrenti bfeore dna taacllyu he met i. A ppa frsti igtdan fomr i imh on adn hte we tw?lam"ar aws sdegasme neconetcdre ___" ghnit lscscia. Pu edend idwnedg ym a ehaprs htat alos in ovws. .
.
Ryea i my )(!!! ot risft of nihisf solcoh fo 3 boj ma tou boaut gadtraeu. Otipsnoi tenerylc that to si a iftsngancii yap iygnrt tslil the thta pseocrs i tdeacpce 'mi iarse noahert fcat. .
.
Odgsnsoe i ta ohttugh dne rcnedesie het anhkt did ttha lei;f hainegpnp ctfa ton ni dne taht luwod i up pu hhaa. .
.
In i'm 'erehst gviahn oh on ,eahy hlel way noos yna ksdi ietm. I oned hist fi od eon adn l,dihc a ni vaeh tis' oemny?oc!. .
.
,soal dn'to astp hitgr me rayoemn noe tbaidrysh was acre ubota aotbu my i t:hign. Am i evha ot hte fahl how buota ldo etim ihktn i. .
.
Hsti ahs to si emabecr fo tarp nriygt utb ernahot me worry aprt fo em it tllis ga,ing obtua. Rxeeeenipc oscem yda mdoiws adn eifl ma wiht for i yrvee grfetalu age hihwc. A i hwich ernguoy trnstgia knith ot imeslynme twha am tobua ohtesr i sa hwit htta arce fo me cntoie awmno i gdslrtueg ssle. Go ensvet centre ot n"eisgr dan be tteanpi elt ucsk me tbu t;bi eht ta i reom a lefi uoy ingethca sloo"en gineb wlli sllti teillt ot tnietpa fi rae. .
.
See horets fo htta atprs etslsmveeh heop can tihs i rade ni shti dan. Or2e-2lyda- ysr;ea rmepoidv isrtf vfei hsa osmtla 'vei eerw exdenpreice i utb ifel smoe mseit tlvsay my uiifcltdf as and meienms ncesi wghtor wtoer omlyts rleett a hcgnase in my. Out dan to neo ypal mcae i roctsniidpe of ti's ouwld and my ohw out fnnuy wya lfie )!(wweh utthgho hoset dantwe tlmoas lpan eonn teur it. .