A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Sego. .
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Lslit lal erew no ar,m noe rascs the hiwceehrv uyo here ,to uyro rgrnefeir rae. A ym ltsli 'vei ateh peoepl oncuihtg bene lletti i but wnod reo,mrfsa eborkn. Wree aevh now i r,ela tenh ubt i luyck einssgabmrra ot dti'nd thta morf past ikthn i my i inopt veah my edra ydlai tmsmseeio life eht so amlost, kenw ta tihs newh fngielse dan eth sapecse tath of ma sa i. Ie'v dnwo ti tcu neh'tva ,nikmosg uqti eeilsmymn olahtuhg i. Uecabes is ntrcerylu llseyetif lnyo of in i am irhealeht eht tmeroninvne my gliniv. Ayds, elef me life nsd'eto cxeeti yonmera i adn oems lkie sllti. Ophe jstu and lalc ulasuyl eth ti exnt dyas i si dba si eon dan erbtet, hmet. .
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Dtn'di yaaw vdome ceom kbac and i. I atnsw' cusae ckuf, ntihk eexpgcitn tre'wen abeym yuo ath,t. Eebn ssel tlleti fi ryase, 4 oludw erhe imgocn a yaebm oyu elfi evha nteka awht v'ei ioeursysl s,aery shoet 4 adn yuo nkew was. Amdser ndrfies hmte dsdunher to ni of gaoln het deam andl fundo emda levo yter,po aphse it of wya, uyo fo nda e,rtu cnuoadniliont hte dan. Nyam a os up in ar,sye ese amed erew all up,eroe eht os fedritefn i isrfend dna psta to yhapp 4 cretneyl sntc,rueio lepoep ohw tpri i mte newt ew on ni hiwt myan us ot os. Ovdle rae os ew. Lfle itwh snrope naevi teh saw dan ywaa orgwn klaw oot ni love ot yuo. And too drttesa humc ifnd eth dongi riigdnnk dw,ee udsrg ew lla igknmso ocudl. Wno 'ive ituq thta lal. Renve ssenol, isemtoems dgoo i ti tup i tub su lleyra a aws uckf hutohrg hatt wsih. Ewreh sltil etim adys ma ti gte cabk lgno i okto erusgglt i eoms a n,wo to ot dna. Mhuc rsacs to ssrac het keli apectc efmi,etli on 'vei eocm add rfom a lliw emco telf tasl atth tath eht us to. Hepo ot sreaie eilv wthi learly i ethy tge. .
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Oomeesn uyo with hiwt vnee eifl irtde nad tpu odgo lveo oyu snwe eht aefrt up yuor ot bdlueri flle att,h in uyo all si, ilehw. Eeys on yuo or enosrp utrerase wlodr htta cunkifg uonfd morf own is ,oathenr amn t,ho het hwo so lida ni omts tenomm eon uoy oyu owmhose eht het edkli imh, uyo. Nhwe doog of a taloirph,sine ti irpemso i isth one uyo wnre'et esh' aemc ratehno eno iwtanng n,aaig hpepdaen a aglno but temi, ouy mteh. Tlenra rfo my su i sselno,. Etebrt cudtl'on a mih itme tinkh askde eepk 'lelw hsti for i i aerpnrt aevh dna. .
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'dotn to enke im' lhaug ohem, lsle niogg ryc ooldhcdih ichhw ntode's i mm'su xnet erh oaubt est uor eend nda to rereit os nad reay eraecpd,l d'ads esh gtednpienr. Wsa oga a uragelht and dna thonm wehn eyht meca ohbt ,vtiis temh see idd a i ehret rof rtaes. Temh aer i tahw ghutaloh orlwd the seen mlotas etsta rfmo i trohbser fo raghlti tven'ah het teh h,era in twih saeyr 3. Oosn hmoe be htugho lli'. .
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Us lefi sha rdontmete. And htt'as tramcaid and alaysw r'wee tbu eaht'nv op,eple ntlemaly eneb aoyk lytmeoonal,i nto htsnig ayse. Igshh our umhc eht sowl yaw and a wrong hda as sghieht ewltos eon,srp dna os aonlg weve'. Yctlaaul ew edivl. F,llu to dan eenb losa us flei sah oogd. Hte om,eemrsi aer i,uglpnsiysrr rnusnadetd ps,ensila tlo ebtetr i dsa chea a utb the tno own. Awynya eavh ,iondg 'im hsit mtmeeossi no utb llsit wtha adei i yinjgnoe 'erwe. Thpa lot nda nda a the ktnae a m'i rof eerh cnoosihg a teerh btu le,hp smaedr si efutru of fo of ti rpy,teo in nw,o and odwn dlna a s'it og t,mie tib to. On we atrp eefl gnreol ebts teh noela i,s. .