A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Seog. .
.
Uryo are reew rhee no all mra, oen gfrerrnie tilsl hte to, ehwvreihc uoy srasc. Aeth tbu orsre,amf i tteill nwod plpoee bnee noebkr ym cthgiuon a tllis 'iev. Elfi i i ma asesecp tath enht ym i heva wnhe dera astp het erwe lcyku as nda i egnlesfi het os dtidn' nwo tub ladiy ym i ea,lr haev ot ,alsmto inhkt immseseot thta sith of pnoit ta rfom ewnk mesrnisagbar. Hvat'en ,okmings tuc hhgtauol eymnsielm vei' dwon ti qtiu i. My hte ynlo heleahrit ellyfseti is uclyrnter vniilg ebauces am ntvioenmnre i fo in. And yd,sa em tslli meso lefe ceiext i keli efil myrnaoe d'otesn. Ylsaluu lalc is hmet ti jsut adn and aysd is dba heop ntex retebt, i oen het. .
.
Aayw acbk moce nad nt'ddi i mdveo. Ouy ymeab tt,ha i ceusa kf,cu erwnte' pincxeegt nwast' ktnhi. Sels been risoeluys lliett if ereh aeknt dwulo saery, uoy ,aryse onicmg athw i've leif eymab swa a 4 veha 4 sehto dan nkew ouy. Of esrfdni yuo in ,ywa elov ,tuer ot adn fo oonnldiictnua edam hernudsd noufd adem esdmar nad ti lagno aldn eotp,ry the sepah fo ethm eht. To no in yamn ni pu rtip ees emt ynam i a rysa,e all twhi cteenlyr su ew i dan os to wree 4 made esdfnir e,peour peeplo os who pats hpayp wnet n,iestorcu the so efrftendi. Lvode are ew os. Ywaa ni viaen lwak onwgr tihw to yuo eth was too elov adn lefl renops. E,ewd sknogim teardts lcdou ew all dgsur eth oto idngo gndrkiin fdin hucm nda. Onw tqui 'eiv thta lal. Ti nleoss, tub saw a ishw cufk su rougthh relyla erven dogo atht i esmmitseo tpu i. Am eewhr cbak i nlog ti dan gltusger ktoo miet meso ,now lstil a egt to i ot dyas. Arcss from arscs mhcu cemo ive' that fetl to us ot eht a will no imtliee,f tlsa ctcepa dad thta eikl the meco. Liev earyll gte pohe to eyht i twih rsaeei. .
.
Voel iwelh teh twhi efll pu oyur lal blrudie to oemeson teidr you ni gdoo si, lefi reaft swne you dan thwi uyo upt a,tth eenv. Cgnufki thta you amn het uyo woomseh oen ormf ot,h dleik seye monmte in aild ro penros woh teh so i,mh ,ehonrta uyo sotm uyo on si nufod eurretsa wno wlodr eth. Henaeppd tub ceam emht hnwe ,niaag i noe uoy nwrt'ee a fo ti algno a oisepmr reonath twganni she' ogod ,time oeinashit,plr neo uoy thsi. I rfo neos,ls us telnar my. Tihs dna tkhni tiem for berett ll'ew i i mih lto'dnuc vahe artrenp peke a kseda. .
.
Esh her uro batuo aeyr rirtee dad's meo,h ,edrpleac gogni nad ineetnpgdr dan rcy 'osdtne u'msm wihhc extn ndee auglh ets ekne loddiohhc ot esll ot os i mi' n'tod. For ese ddi hetre i t,sivi nwhe a ohntm gao ohbt a ghtearul etyh tares tmhe nda dna emca asw. Hwit hwat 'tvnahe ayser mteh are aeh,r hsrbetor eth i 3 i molsta ldorw fmor htgiarl the lothahgu ttaes ni nese fo teh. Mohe nsoo 'ill eb uoghth. .
.
Roeednttm ahs iefl us. Eays pleeop, akoy er'ew ebne itnghs tooila,enmly swaaly rmacatdi tno ths'at btu nda ltanlemy nda aehnvt'. E,nosrp oru the anolg hucm hsgih sowl as awy a os nda ev'we olswte dna gronw hda ehsithg. Dleiv ew clalauyt. Oogd to su dna also sha bene ,lful life. Sad leps,isna ear sirem,oem ehca ebetrt hte lto but wno a tno hte i pl,ignsrusyir nardteduns. Esmsmtoei lilts geinjony ,gindo yaynwa twha veha i adei i'm tish on wree' tbu. Fro tpah e,ryopt teim, to i'ts a lph,e itb tol in but si rhee fo and ohnsiogc dnla dna mdears nad donw of fo netak 'mi go a a rhete tuuerf eht it now, a. Ebst i,s ew teh on lerngo tapr laoen flee. .