A letter from July 23rd, 2020

Dear Future Me, Happy birthday! I hope you’re well. And I hope you’ve forgotten that you’ve written this letter, because that’s kind of the point. How are things with you? Have you graduated? How did you do? What are you doing now? I really hope you’ve achieved everything that I want you to achieve. But your plans might have changed, and that’s totally ok, too. I just hope you’re happy. 2020 has been a very strange year so far. It’s easily been the worst year of my life, but I’ve also learned so much. I’ve learned that I have lots of trauma to process. That I may never be completely free of mental illness. But I’ve also learned that I’m stronger than I thought. I tried to kill myself about a month ago. You probably still have the scars. Sorry about that. I find it cringey when people call them “battle scars” and act like they’re a good thing, so I assume you do, too. Just… Don’t be ashamed. You survived this. I’m so proud of you. If there is one thing you take from this letter, let it be this: Be kind. To others, but to yourself most of all. I’m really trying to be kinder to myself, but it’s hard sometimes. I hope you don’t struggle as much with it anymore. I firmly believe that being kind to yourself is the first step to becoming a good person. You can tell that today is one of my better days because I’m excited for the future. I’m looking forward to becoming you, and hopefully growing along the way. You turned 23 today, right? Not that long ago turning 23 would’ve seemed daunting to me. I thought being in your twenties meant that you had to be grown up. But if you’re anything like me, you’re really not. Don’t get me wrong, I’m doing my best. Yesterday I applied for a credit card. I hope I didn’t forget to pay it off and ruin my credit score or something. If I did, or if I made any other stupid mistakes (which I will) that you had to iron out: Sorry. But, honestly, as cheesy as it sounds… Making mistakes is the only way to grow. Enjoy your birthday. Enjoy your life. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. I love you, I really do, and I sincerely hope that you do, too. See you soon, Past You