Time Travelled — almost 1 year

A letter from August 1st, 2023

Aug 01, 2023 Aug 01, 2024

Epilogue

Peaceful right?

Dear little darling, I write letters quite often, to future me and future you ... Every February, a new one. But i wondered if i was able to ask and say anything i wanted to say would one letter even be enough? So this will be a letter full of encouragement, love and ofc many Questions. This time, i write a letter i don't wanna know much about your appearance, i am not trying to manifest another look. I just want peace and happiness and something that keeps me going. At the moment, i am very lonely, i barely have any friends, and for the ones i have... I am barely there. Friendship confuses current me, bores me, and somehow my brain... simply doesn't understand it. I want romantic connection, many crushes .... i want excitement and butterflies... But i hope you are doing it differently,. I hope you found friends and you care about them, are there for them. You owe yourself that. Besides that, we need more love for the things other people dont always love. And i wanna go out in public for myself without wanting to appear good for anyone else. Is 18 years iold really that different ? Like the other people say it is? Is it scary? Do you feel different? Have more responsibilities? How are you doing it... i know you are able too. I will try to prepare a lot for you... I should learn to take care of myself. What did you do on your 18th birthday ? And what will you do on your 19th? A party or where you still to afraid? Its only one more month from now and rightnow it feels like i dont have a single plan. I might delete social media before and spend it alone,.the way i want to. Without checking for anyone elses love. But the questions would **** me... and i dont lie. I will find people i love this month. Just a small group i can do smt with, nothing huge... thats not current me. I changed a lot.. And i bet you are different from me again as well, aren't you? I am excited to be you. And i am excited for you to read this. I am filled with fear and love to see future me... I hope i gave you enough support. I hope life is easy for you, even tho that hypothetical because what even is easy, right? Do you still play Piano? And did you ever play in public? Quertour went alright.... but did you go again? Whats your favourite song at the current moment? Mine is " from your room" mia Stegner- its my only motivation to go out. My biggest supportive song this year. Do you model? I kinda hope you do haha... What about them? Are they still together? Are you in another relationship? Or atleast had feelings for a while? Some sort of connection? How much do you miss him? Is it true that you remember the first love forever? I wear his bracelet, do you? I hope you still write poetry. Is your hair still ginger or did you decide to change the colour? How is the renovation of the home going? I feel some fear about it... but it will all be okay... i will try to do a lot for you so you can have a nice home. I will work hard in school too. So? Are my grades good? Do i get through school, i mean survive it? Every day? Do you love me? I want your love older me...♡♡ I will fight for you. Will you fight for me, when someone does me wrong? I wish i could hug you... but i know i cant. Do you still talk to julian tbh? I guess luna and Max are obviously still gonna be there... those angels never leave, right? Drink some water by the way... you deserve it. And eat what you crave, i will too. I hope you are physically active, not to improve your looks but to improve your mind. Do dark and broken people still pull you in? Is there something in you that still craves pain? I bet there is... Do you still spend to much time on your phone? Haha. I for sure do... but i am trying. Oh do you still do dressage? If yes... what level are you? Do you compete? Any new deads? Well i would hope not... bcs this year there where pretty many... I think that's it for now.... i love you angel<3 Love you a lot. And i hope you always feel that love. I hope you create to make it even bigger. You are art!!!!

Epilogue

3 months later

Hiii Old me🫶🏻

First of all, allll love to you my strong little girl.
I didn't write my februrary letter this year, but I am planning to do so soon....

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Own eiwtr tueurf aaswly seur irgl, sti iswe keta mkea uhdlso ot to ( i cedaiv) eterbt omre my yuo ot rae a oyu.
You lal hnatk oindg ni avndcae ofr rof me itsh.
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Bteauy orme i omrf em i yaaw uyo get geuh ee'rtwn secitseoi a yrt caaepaepnr ciopt fo sfaiemnt ot nda sit yvedayer ot am to nhytaign glda yrngti radntadss tllis orme oeudscf, adn.
Werndo be veer fi i i'll rfee.
Teh htat is heav ekspe efculaep ndot lsaway we tsgeniohm lrelya ier,smop ety rehte gnoig ,metmno chsu i em ta veli a.
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Eb fo ym tusj ttah ntoi arec a ofetrf a ma sa and ouy mhact ym fo i tabou orf dnifesr atcireng i as rome eynlol ifsedrn a otsl eth fele egryne i will dan i lilts htat htree apecs otl ptu bsae id,d faes ,oth siltl.
Eyr,a the a htsi i pploee enw tme old toh sneo a dieenmar of few lot.
Ianctrmo vaeh idrpfesinh yaneno do ese,l onw, dentycne het osmt still noceiconnt rekeidrf hte lilst em thaw in utb mero is i isreae to got thiw slpul hnta.
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A of tpu ngi,lrda dna oth i do tol a i niddt' my ntoi did rof froetf olts edinetffr etad sthmno iresiphdnf.
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Byteua i rty adn isitec oeelpp iynt ehtro veol esem to yegr nneuev syesm ees ginths deslati ,in adn ski,n teh ohmse ot sllti tanc.
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Fo ofr tylalauc khnti uto anisdet cyasolntnt to ma to i tydilnefe rpevicdee atth we wtan albe licbup ayw, uros,vsele in ni igong grinrogseps i and mtos era od yad ym uobta nlegefi toabu waht.
Goe dol eth naareppce a eth eitm olt cuosf lsso the my on ,idtefrefn enve dan feil bnrigs ta reclma ttwiuoh akbc of yanm swmtehao meas fo reitcneuissi lsefe ctatsnon.
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I an a erezail a tib dulta orem l,la am bineg eilhw now elfe at trnefdfei lelayr td'ndi elfe 18 nad ni e,hidbn ayn ecno ruylt dten i mossmeiet to i.
Lil' eb 20 lefe dihcl oos,n a i ekli itngnru lsilt.
My lutry its byab no ta ntfedrief ,lla.
Egcnadh otl dna i i yrlbea aveh eraleiz iltl a efw ibenerpsstlisio ngnhitay a od ees won own tath oemr orem but m,chu.
Hadr hom,e ta ist.
Tbu lasyaw asw it.
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I who het dgahilnn ssiieibnsp?irtole am.
Tath i to am i owh tbu si ngaame rseuvvi ,meh rginlnea ot uladt tisll idclh a.
Ofr nathk you ti eamk seaeir em ngityr orf to.
Ilslt soluhd lbveeei fo i arlen i etka erca ot htat myfles.
Dorcot okoc tpeinstapnom ym nwo akme adn yadil. . . Hwti ti moce tbu mtie illw.
I'll svievru.
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8th1 td'ind ym or aellyr 91th do on nagtnhiy dhbti,ray i.
Pdesn h1t8 on adn i eht esrluape usgt cski iegtntg w'setirn my meit at wsa thne ohwttiu ce,pla my trwadso ecra rgarenda ym.
Vleo edpns ogt reya i hiwt ( yte ogt few hsti em rbhaydit emhtro i fwrlseo egol my ew dtdn'i gstif ethm cetu rierekdf a toh) h,mte ym ,ekeidrfr dan em luidb. Dan dcrei em memeebrr yelrla dont i eh by)tdaihr ( i blraopyb ym hedl.
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Swa saol lsilt hsueo plpoee lntdwo'u ot wnat at haev nad this ot aairdf syurel i a artpy.
A atni fetlalar tiqeu flei but bda ivnilg ahtt.
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Gaecdnh a ho idd glda olt, i yse am lrsuey i oto yuo. .
Eoanl ,mlefys rnkied i tnrspee too wya hte am a otl i.
Ldielf am tjsu u,rtfeu i frea oeph wtih ofr nda hmcu as eht.
Are oyur i am did klat ocldu uyo nsoper vyer swih i uoy dan teh steb to i nalhu,tkf lylera.
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Rof esya oyu si me hatn rseyul raegu ifle rof ont orf dwuol rrhade swa m,e i ti ist.
Ivrsuingv sa i utb well i dna hrietv oson angia iwll ma.
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I het eeks,w plya elov i stop toh i ndot ot i rtaeccip erve oap,ni ainp,o rof iwll lsuery itd'nd enev iltsl 2 i eth iebveel ypla do.
,aerrulygl aaywsl ouy asdly dlpaye ni lciupb lapy natc i teh btu ihret nopia tique saemyerh, ryonmae ni.
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I woh neoguh rsognt aelbry qreutuor eervn to tnwe hweer nda do to yuo so i get giana, n,o.
Your ienc cpeikd as ogsn ertvu,ifoa oyu a.
Iohtwrgn the its a sjtu hke,aw bvleiee igednmar fo mfor gilr ttnsgii giaptinn vtfieuaro trehe who at amay si **********, tgo ym i logkoni obtau "srteehe a ignicle ".
Well ,rilg od ayma htta nda as sese ryalel i eerhslf ni.
Tmeart tis reeh,ets a inonhgt igr,l *,******** no sutj wath tsuj to.
.
Na ebyrla nsog ma leov veol stiirtanhc rn i y"ou i het vieb ptlnaoxinae atth tujs orf netaohr ryaell si i " het ho,t i to heva.
Hda no tbu eivmprdo a utoba ti l,ot ruo erllya smciu astte uyo isth, rsory owhel eida ot asy tlltei.
Onw eastt ogdo i ingdiulb am a.
I nto dnto elkodo crae at i lmeod dna i tdno eb msot ym mta elmdo ot rn or that efelynitd ist naanw klei ,eeriht wrlod drievpeec tnod.
Byaute nad nad cfcneeispitorti nnaaw ievndr eb i dtno os by egred.
I aviel wnta ot eb. .
I i pistceru lwli gnido lla- veen any ttrsa at os aket agnai belyar ylsreu tho neve.
Mkesa eht of cula essen tstrneise uoy ahtt lot a ocpti.
Ubt hsit mih alfl irssper,u aichr i lltyacau ondt yrea uspsrrei etm ruyo fo.
,myeaorn yeht me he he ayw ieldk lkide nvee dlot hte he me oetrehtg nveer ehr t'raen.
As i ahel eh d'dtin did arf as.
Docul dtanwe on tweor astp, i i i our lefe or beyrla a,vnortiac derit ndrai ,tyniganh nd'tid wenh ttyebrsful ,me was idd to em he mrremebe tbu dna ot it i efle lla.
Tcraiuh me ssedik hsi efpr,uem shi irtenhe ekil i or tndd'i ish hte eh lyest awy.
Eh nto he woadrts het hatde i tadec wya and the em ayw etdkla.
Ompierv ta oeisetmsm mssi lal, he lilw ni ingtsh i rn flei he his i fi imh gndio wtah is reev dton selint dan nwdroe.
Nad hte all be ipan to donura, i aoelldw smltoa asey all up snariasbgme ohw imh the **** its ****** akbc.
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Him ndto orneaym etiwr ,all atbuo but i ta nodt imh i rduoan eevn wtan.
Ttha ubt ot do i eveeibl uyro litsl lliw alive frecod eve,orrf emeremrb lve,o asw iinsolul ekep lot fo na i ouy a tfisr ti. .
Nsdedrnaut lliw i eon yda uyrtl byame.
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Aerw i ish i ,now otdn ,emop wreto odgl eraw ym,arnoe a eelabcrt ruelys nad i.
Hwne put etstard i i kim it fof dagint.
Keep avse tbu lal whe,msoeer llwi ahtts ti i.
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Ainbr i i kmae not if thta be i em ofgert tle lbae it csesorp edpaeh,pn ma ot rites eerv my ot eusr adn lwli all.
,waya o,lwyls uor eseimrmo btu yreslu fdea.
Thsi mki yet i tddni' ro ouy henw mete toewr yuo onkw eeih,tr ternwi.
Srtmate him ttha is ,ikm at ni eilhw ritdnoaao rof eon i lal rlleay rfo who a only fo a tnocollseitna tols aricred eth.
Am we as dmea tiwh yatsde oth wenk on wake evne i mhi i utb sa snees i.
Dstoepp i,sasrnfe slcoe tsomnh, ew efart 3 tsnhom cttcaon aibtlufue 3 in rwee all yfwlalu we oru.
Tac ioccanos dna lwduo tou amek eyrve a at eikl celuop oimev.
Swa at a em astwn' a seewt btu die limes eh lla uhonge wtih he gyu to fro ofr.
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Fseinrd ot eatfr tihw hat,t od tdd'in denede wtna 8 ot hmi, no ofr i gnahtiny ealh fousc nddi't shotnm and tead.
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Llit i iyorths tme si adn eefdrkri trse teh.
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I lla a extt retwi uyo tol i tdno idd, yreabl ta uhmc atm reyotp sa as.
Kacb awy dtno' i,t lilw idnf ot btu ym i wyrro.
Arih dniconrceig ym si ,ggnire otu am to i lilst iedden tho now it ogrw.
Hnoye go nb/old obwrn i ananw kanid.
Em si tgiartsn asery nggeir rtfea ot all hseot hte erob.
Sa)waly as satf leapdnn hte ignog rwok ibt i tbu as ( iotansroevn trnmepeomvi a as si ereht rmeo nwo omes fi natre adn.
Lliw texn reya a heacng tlo.
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Cholos i uyo coohsl esinc, ve,lbeie aery tuo fo ti btw, m,eceomddnre eben ogdo wno was pedodrp ew in a htaenv'.
Nawayys olcud uro trupeiyovldc ew era ,ykoa dropu fo tis utb ew hweer imet ehav oemr i hrigtnow psden ma.
Kbac og i lchsoo ilwl to onos.
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Ocf etlilt uoy gilr, rosngt ear wafyull ym i levo ouy.
Od eolv me uoy to?o.
Pt?exedec efnftried lla ist hot enev hnat.
Dgugeh elef.
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Nthe lla memosetsi odes slfeym i rof dan dan i o,wrng egrfto iaelsy tned yuo thfgi seemono i hnwe toh you ot nipa apcetc fco tyr.
Sltil i of rcouse katl junial uoy to itiod.
Verne ttah boy bteert evlaes.
He nswok mcuh ooootoo.
We lto ailtycve cgnhead atlk h,to a tnod ryoanem.
Tye axm yuo sthi hto ayer tlisl ct,didrpee we si mtee sa anlu ourand ddni't ladsy.
(:.
Ssmi i erh.
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To nricag chmu htkan you gdsrieponn buota e🫶🏻m oeldv os oyu💋 fro i.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please


Aug 01, 2023 → Aug 01, 2024 • 789 words
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