Dear FutureMe,it's christmas, which means only 3 months left until I'm 18. I'm scared and exited at the same time. I can't wait to leave my family and get read off all of the toxic I My life and just be free but at the same time I'm scared because I don't know what to do once I get out there. I won't have Noone telling me to pick up my mess or go to work. I won't have my siblings to bully me and play with me. I won't have my mom to comfort me and just be my mom. I will have to have my own motivation and come up with my own ideas. I don't think I'm ready to be responsible for myself. I know I'm not ready to be responsible for myself. I mean I'm mentally crazy and I do drugs, I get attached to everybody too easily. I get emotional or sad over everything. I can't even get myself up out of bed most days. I have a boyfriend rn other than Allen. he super hot and he treats me wonderful!! oh also my great grandma Jackie died 2 days ago and I can't go to her funeral. I'm honestly super sad abt it and I wish I could reverse time and be able to see her before she died but the world doesn't work like that. I've really been just ignoring it and acting like it didn't happen cause I don't want to believe it. me and her weren't too close but I still loved her. I already miss her. I've never had a close family member die before so it feels weird. this is literally my first time crying abt it. I don't really know what else to say but I'm just counting down the days. oh and also my mom and grandma are making me find my own way back to north Carolina and I have to be gone by the end of the day on my birthday. I think I going to buy a plane ticket but it's like 500 bucks. I'm also quitting the job I have rn cause their not acting like they want me working there at all. so I'm going job hunting tomorrow.
Epilogue
18 days later
Wow, it's almost 4 months since I wrote that and SO MUCH has happened. I guess I can start off with the fact that I am 18 now and I...
Thiw app igantd olve no gyu a a tme i. Roda i'st ,)rbeefo evli i sispipismsi emas no ym llylartie i saw eht ,uotghh ulayatlc sueho ievl rw(ehe etusnim 10 vnilgo morf llits eikl rsndnpagtare i ni. Enagr ok fro soon otslyenh eh hes' can cna neldah uissse nad ihm sa tub i to hsa oevm otu as i tub i nr ened. I ogd won hicdl of too a am. To igt eanhcc tge cuepol a urhchc og nad kwees i i i the ewenehvr daipzteb oag. Thwi my nad iv'e elalry aylsaw haitf gbi gdo gyneluein me i eusac sdregltug oevl asth't fro. Os me mialrecs ofr he and aeecdtr ntcguoni lsilt myan ash. Oasl at a hepo tygnri a dna i i cihhw ojb 'im eeawuhosr aols n,r eotranh ta veah to efac well dsrey job gte esog eyrlla. Yet i'm uqit if obht naogn ro okrw yrsed hto idk. Gtota ocne shit i i ees i teg obj esgus. Do got ydaervye to'nd ta,th wdee hvea i tihw susnle omkes slitl mosek i eth ik (d)t so oidn rwko eht i ilev ofr essmko feoreb time of het yug oht ot into hgih vie' o,ht i waer fof bthia. Ynlo diks htwi 3 adn 'mi eoscl atnu her tho my. Jtsu tser ym amifyl shdgteo inakd fo adn em croethhae gte. Etmi 'im eht laepc oht ecusa all hte nowd she ym at tausn raod lsive. Gtulfare os for hto 'im ehr. Nesma ee'vw so ucmh adn seh humc ot so togrhhu bnee me. Dan tog pniot ujst a of i reteh i so hte ugtthho wno o,ff ,tilayrlle asw pssi dwolu ubt evne rhewe het eon ovle reh 'eshs me lnoy cuhm rhe. Mmo ssiipsimspi ameby rnfsdie nanwa kacb hetor tikhn go ot than ananw utb oh,t htat iistv and 'tnod rheto to i stay to earvtl i nda i rhnot olacrian nhat in ssbiling. Snap reh dkani smht nto'd utoa ertoh ym em ym oyrst dyaolrnm nda nad lefl takk i lyerp on cncttao hatt lyeral vewe' oen,myar alcl utb seh illw nede ntah enhw lil' to. In dlteak i gbliisns mothns nda ot my vhnta. I naanw smht htem chum ryc me alts tcloorn ti tub fro i did ervo me ttah eewr no smeak ythe ahd meti so smis dna at mad i. All ca'tn ot hare tboau tehm rehet aitw dna i in ehgvetniry ees lesvi. Reven woh my llwi r ttah ssbglini mda dna echang eghtivnyre ew no hcrthaeeo ta aer emartt my. Im' wath os ot tbu ot thkin ay wkno lal alryle two slee dno't i wrko ll'ew yynaaw won ltak rof 'stath abt nad rn. Ko ym ti mi' as is loonaitem gnlo hvae on i dies na jesus elfi s'it ysa di' my claelrrerstoo tub as hdilagnn nr,.
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