A letter from December 26th, 2024

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe,it's christmas, which means only 3 months left until I'm 18. I'm scared and exited at the same time. I can't wait to leave my family and get read off all of the toxic I My life and just be free but at the same time I'm scared because I don't know what to do once I get out there. I won't have Noone telling me to pick up my mess or go to work. I won't have my siblings to bully me and play with me. I won't have my mom to comfort me and just be my mom. I will have to have my own motivation and come up with my own ideas. I don't think I'm ready to be responsible for myself. I know I'm not ready to be responsible for myself. I mean I'm mentally crazy and I do drugs, I get attached to everybody too easily. I get emotional or sad over everything. I can't even get myself up out of bed most days. I have a boyfriend rn other than Allen. he super hot and he treats me wonderful!! oh also my great grandma Jackie died 2 days ago and I can't go to her funeral. I'm honestly super sad abt it and I wish I could reverse time and be able to see her before she died but the world doesn't work like that. I've really been just ignoring it and acting like it didn't happen cause I don't want to believe it. me and her weren't too close but I still loved her. I already miss her. I've never had a close family member die before so it feels weird. this is literally my first time crying abt it. I don't really know what else to say but I'm just counting down the days. oh and also my mom and grandma are making me find my own way back to north Carolina and I have to be gone by the end of the day on my birthday. I think I going to buy a plane ticket but it's like 500 bucks. I'm also quitting the job I have rn cause their not acting like they want me working there at all. so I'm going job hunting tomorrow.

Epilogue

18 days later

Wow, it's almost 4 months since I wrote that and SO MUCH has happened. I guess I can start off with the fact that I am 18 now and I...

I app dagtin vloe mte a a ithw guy no. F,boer)e evli i si't i 01 naprrdsteang oadr iogvln huhotg, i ni w(ereh omrf klie mesa eivl aultycal mpsiiipsssi aws ym hte yltaerlil usheo ltsil no tmuensi. Edne cna i and for nr tou nca mhi ok btu erang he sha h'es tyoenshl sono to sa i i moev ubt as uiesss anhedl. God ldhic ma oot fo a i onw. Get nad i dzetabpi oag og cachne git cuelop the erhnvewe wkees i a i cchurh ot. Igb ofr selruggtd 'astth v'ei em fiath god my eausc evlo itwh rylael ywlaas i ginuneyel dan. So tisll em nincgotu dceaert rfo namy nda eh iearslmc sha. I ewll a a nad syedr grtnyi pohe ,rn evah lsoa thareno gte i ot goes 'im ojb osal realyl cihwh rseuwheoa aecf ta ta ojb. Yesdr rkwo eyt 'im nnoag if tobh hot qitu ikd or. Boj aotgt gte ese ecno i i i isht susge. Lvei i arew yug os still oht ietm ,ttah i i esmok noit evah owkr brofee ki ot ahitb ihhg off ev'i i ksmsoe got of orf on'dt keoms thiw eewd idon od ()td hte eht nslesu eayyedvr teh oth,. Hre taun and 3 itwh ksid onyl ym eclos 'im oht. Em and ym tocahreeh ujst nkiad goestdh of ifylam gte ster. Cusea plcae nwod sleiv eht ym all im' eht orad nuast hot ta she time. So orf reh rfetulag i'm hot. Esh vewe' to eenb thrhugo umhc asmen os muhc dan em os. Of s'esh dan oen won teh so ssip het tilr,yalel was theer lyno point tsuj tog uhhtgot weerh elov me odwlu a i veen erh mhcu f,of rhe i ubt. I eorht og nad tasy ot ingssbli ot levtra i embya hatt naht hntro in retoh vtisi roancail nhta not'd ubt to khtin mom oth, nwnaa dna pmisispissi i annaw drnifes akbc. Clal and me hes asnp ohter i ot erh my rtyos ym ccttnao on perly wlli atth ellf aout ev'we tbu eend ktak nath mye,nroa on'td whne nad lalrye mtsh iandk ndoalmyr 'ill. Avthn i in dan nsbiglsi to ym detkla nomsht. Cry oonrctl ti ehty did hstm em adh aanwn i fro meht lats em eewr that mda i oevr dna os no mssi time mseka but ta i humc. Ehar atbuo teher to tmeh see ni aitw all nt'ca elvis yevetnhgri nda i. Eagchn trteam mda era ym nerve how ttha no ew lsinibgs liwl my terahheoc at dna r thegyerniv. Fro lwl'e nr all ay awth but kwro ot bat 'mi ot awayyn so dna ktla eles i oknw tdn'o two th'ast hnitk ylalre own. Yas as ti id' ok tub i it's esdi linagndh na no sa nr, lfie im' avhe si ym onlg ym sejsu olonemati aoeeclrrsrlto.