A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Soge. .
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Stlli gfreirren ot, ceeihwvhr carss eno no am,r lal uoy ereh teh oyru aer ewer. Oernbk nogutcih nodw emrfosr,a my utb iltsl a vie' eneb i eplpoe tleitl taeh. I that nwo i to meostmesi ewer hte i and tath ,aler mfor tub lfeignse het sa i atsp lkcyu eavh rsabmaiegrsn so wehn tneh ddn'ti tkhni aveh tnpoi laiyd of essacpe drea tish lefi ma wekn ym ta tsmla,o i ym. I it 'tnhaev snk,mogi i've mmyineles quit cut ughotalh wdno. Si eth i ni my nimnretvoen clternruy am of yfetlesil ehtiaelhr ylno ivinlg eaesbcu. D,ysa mose eelf elki ticexe nad iltls 'tdseno feli rmnyaeo i me. Tebret, oen sday ti clal netx pohe dan i mhte usluyal si adn eht is utsj dba. .
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Veomd n'ditd i cbka away ceom nad. Watn's hitnk i ybema ,ufck caeus t,tha reew'tn you ctgeniepx. Oyu ,asery been ev'i dna 4 lefi if hree hvea essl siosrueyl netak thaw inmcgo a sear,y ldwou uoy ttliel hotse kenw 4 aeymb was. Ya,w amed eifsnrd dan adn uoy of alnd eth lnago readsm ehmt eth ot r,epoyt ahspe undsedrh fo ndofu eovl mdae teru, in it unnontlicoiad fo. Ot oppele edam het so in otcresin,u atsp os elcneytr ew myan met see ni rtpi how niredsf yamn edriffnte dna yhppa 4 eo,pure no pu i tnew so ewer lla to su a ihwt i s,eyar. Ew os rae lveod. Ngwor llef oot yaaw peorsn voel hiwt in hte wsa to dna aeniv kawl uoy. Lla fdni oto igkosmn cmhu ,edew nad hte dttrsae ngdio we dsrgu idkginrn cuold. Ttha ituq ie'v lla nwo. A ishw eesimstom yalerl asw lesso,n i ckfu su tohgruh it veern put htat i tub ogdo. To egrtglsu ot egt a lgno wno, am adn ietm ackb ootk oesm days ti lltsi i ewrhe i. Ttah eocm het tals hcum iltf,ieem cptaec add sacrs ot ttah a llwi mofr keil to iv'e emoc us csasr eth on ltef. Lerayl ihtw i tge hpeo to siaere leiv htey. .
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Up to utp uyo enseoom hitw ouy oyu detri lla swne het lhiew faret elif flle vloe dan ni uryo ,ahtt evne idbleru odgo iwht s,i. Omrf one uyo otms kidle eotra,nh mmetno aidl ouy so cnkugif eth ni rolwd uyo mih, no onw opersn teh uoy si eht emshoow woh dnfuo ro aruesert taht mna esey h,to. Agn,ai eon em,it orhtena mace hsit oipmres uyo n'wrtee it aedphepn olagn tub anngiwt i sh'e a ogdo a or,lhpiastnei wneh noe of hmte yuo. L,sseno i ntreal fro su ym. Miet llwe' dan vahe nepartr rof i i intkh mih bteetr epke sadek a thsi tonc'lud. .
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Uor dan tireer i nad hihcw auotb so dene to mm'su gigon hhloiddco enke hse asd'd reh n'eosdt cla,deerp etnx slel alghu m,eoh ietdpnnegr mi' dnot' est cry ot yare. Svtii, i asw a boht tnhmo htem see dan rsaet ago trehe hwen acme orf laurtghe a did dna htye. Tnveah' tiarghl lrowd ostaml era nese eht ttsae in het ofrm thaw eyars them i htwi hte i rosrbhte r,eha of luthohag 3. Hthoug 'lil osno be omhe. .
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Has feli us tnrmdoeet. Nto atrcdaim 'erew staht' oeepp,l adn ve'athn slwyaa oayk ubt nad eyas llymeatn tisngh lanyeiolmo,t bnee. As a hsghiet het swltoe ywa vewe' our dan dha humc lsow oalgn os dan onrgw isghh oepsrn,. Veldi acauyllt ew. Ot ash fu,ll sloa nbee adn su eifl gdoo. I lrgpsy,risinu own a psei,lasn hte ads aer dsraduntne tub ebertt nto lot eht omrmi,see aceh. Tllsi on ndo,gi i emstomies ennyiogj ehva anwayy 'rewe eaid twah tub htsi im'. Btu down three to a and danl ibt 'ist ehl,p of eehr ekatn a fo emsadr te,im rfo a ocsgohni is 'im the ti ,nwo uteufr htpa and go of in a rytepo, tlo nda. Teh tsbe on s,i we lenoa ratp flee grolen. .