Dear Future Me......
You've already had major life events that have had you cope with more than you thought possible. But you know your strength and even though almost 2 years of working from home and isolated has been difficult you found your supports. To have had to go through life changes often alone was difficult but you used the time for self reflection and made adjustments in your life. Everyone was talking about using lockdowns as a time to 'care about really matters' which made you eyeroll as you've lived your whole life making decisions and choices to live to your highest values. Good for you! X

I'm proud of you acknowledging and feeling the continual flow of emotions that came up throughout this time- lots of anger, upset, frustration at injustices in society, grief, loneliness... Already a self care queen you had to learn to go beyond the usual and practice more spiritual care with meditation, finding community, true heart to heart friendships. You maintained good sleep, eating well, exercising, keeping in contact with friends but it didn't cut it, it wasn't enough, you went beyond. As you let the mixture of feelings flow and kept practicing connecting with your higher self, magic started flowing back into your life. You did not do anything alone. The listening of friends, and many professionals (psychologist, integrative doctor, SE therapist, SNA chiro, EFT practitioner). Yep, isolation and lots of 'rules' certainly stirred the pot up. You also struggled with how others in society were being treated (refugees, the disabled, multicultural communities, people living in high rise flats). Not knowing what to do with the sorrow you did the only thing you found you could- donate to the wonderful non-for-profits providing free food and sign petitions. It seemed so little. And then you had to go into self care and almost do a 'shut down' as it made you so sad. There's no right or wrong but I want to acknowledge you caring.

I want to you to know I hear and validate your views about mandates. I acknowledge that your decisions are rooted in reading 'science' and not about 'feelings'. I feel an respect for you for honouring your own views when it went against the majority of society's views. This is nothing new, you have always lived in a way on the edge of society, questioned 'norms' and made independent decisions that maintained your dignity and values. To have to have made decisions under duress and not in your own timing was difficult. I see you treasure the non-judgemental small handful of friends and medical professionals you could talk to.

You've been wanting to write this letter for sometime and now on the supposed 'freedom day' the words finally flow... I'm not sure how I want to re-enter society, as it's not a society I am loving. The division that has been created by our leaders and media sickens me. I refuse to be part of it, I refuse to celebrate it. I cannot celebrate getting a haircut when a lot of people are unemployed, businesses are closed, refugees are still inhumanely locked up, people's mental health has declined and people are yelling abuse at each other in the community. If found myself with spontaneous tears this morning watching a video on a child's right to play- why? Because after shutting down playgrounds last year I thought that was one thing my government would never do again. I was wrong. Yep, parents gathered but talk to the parents, not punish the children.

So as my future self I acknowledge that you have had a lot of thoughts and feelings to work through during and after lockdown. You were gentle with yourself and strived to be a responsible and loving person. "Freedom Day" was the start of a new grief process.